Wednesday, November 07, 2007

What, Me Married?

I guess it happens to the best of us eventually...we give in to societal pressure and embrace "tradition" for the sake of pleasing family, the government, or whomever. But for years I avoided the M word, and loved nothing more than to bust out this quote from an old movie (I think it was with Myrna Loy?): "Marriage is a great institution - but who wants to be in an institution?"

Har har har. Very funny indeed. And now I have to eat my hat - or my bridal veil, or whatever - because here I am joining the millions, no BILLIONS, who have already been served by the wonderful institution of McMarriage (served or brainwashed? you make the call).

Perhaps you think I doth protest too much. But this really has been a tough decision for me. NOT because of anything to do with the person who will be my "spouse" (every time I hear that word I think of The Game of Life, with those little pink and blue pegs, and little cars you drove around in, trying to be the first to acquire money, a house, and finally a "spouse." It always sounded like a rather spongy sort of pet to me).

No, nothing to do with him. But just, you know, the feeling of joining a club that I feel pressured to join. Maybe it's the rebel in me that resists this notion. I don't know. (This is probably more appropriate for therapy than for a blog, but I can't afford therapy right now, so bear with me.) Or maybe it's something to do with the fact that you can be with another person for years and years, share a bed and a bank account, know eachother inside and out, love and hate eachother in equal measure, see eachother through thick and thin (literally) - but until you're given the official stamp of marriage, you are not taken seriously as a couple by a large number of people, because you haven't made a "real commitment yet."

Huh?? I think it's the illogic in that equation which makes me bristle - especially since I have seen firsthand so many official "marriages" that are about as committed as the weather in San Francisco. But anyway...where was I? Oh yes, I'm finally getting married. And of course, in keeping with my generally obsessive nature, I am making a big deal out of not making a big deal out of it. What's most important of course is that there will be a party, people will get drunk, friends will gather and a good time will be be had by all. And when I wake up the next morning, I will still be me and he will still be he - the biggest difference being that we will never again have to hear someone say, "When are you getting married?" (And hopefully they will refrain as well from asking, "So when's the divorce?")


Blogger Kimberly said...

Congratulations! :P

(From a like-minded soul, I'll tell ya!)

12:59 AM  
Blogger Jill said...

I love that photo! It took me a while to see YOUR REFLECTION in the center!

Marriage can seem strange if you think about, but when I read your email/post -- I didn't think about it! I just felt very happy. I think there is something about ceremony that makes people happy on a gut level. Or maybe I watched too many Disney movies. I'm beginning to think most happy people are brainwashed to some degree anyway -- in this world, you have to be.

I wish I could be there!!!

3:25 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

LOL...great blog and much love and congratulations to you both!

As I feel much the same way, you will have to let me know if you guys feel "different" after (everyone who has been with someone a long time, then marry, says they do...).

Just think, you don't have to deal with the problem of talking about your 'partner' to people and having them wonder if you are gay...I have trouble with the term 'boyfriend' at my age, too...then there is the issue of one of my students thinking my 'SO' was my son, but I guess that's another blog entry, LOL.

In all seriousness, we wish we were there with you!!! You'll just have to do it again in the states, that's all!

5:20 PM  
Blogger wampoline said...

Hey - thanks y'all - I can feel the love - and that's what counts! Jill, I suspect you're right about happiness and brainwashing (well, at least some forms of brainwashing!)...I of course was brainwashed early on by English teachers who kept repeating to me that "the unexamined life is not worth living." And so i've been basically examining everything ever since - probably to my detriment.

And Angela, yes, i have heard people say they feel "different" after marriage. I'm sure there is an effect from making your relationship public in the witness of family and friends. I guess i would just prefer that the gov't was out of the equation (that's a WHOLE other conversation).

p.s. Glad you liked the photo. That was taken on the day i went to get my papers for my green card renewal here. A bureaucratic hurdle which went amazingly well, otherwise i probably would have blogged about it!

4:08 PM  
Blogger Dya Englert said...

So I'm curious, now that you are you feel different? Perhaps it's too soon to say.

I know for me, I needed to make the commitment to Anthony because I'm a pretty good escape artist. At least I was in the past. Now I stick around for the good, as well as for the tough.

Much love to you, Dya

12:43 AM  

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